Touch
by bookwormwithanattitude
Summary: Touch was a funny thing for both of them. Sometimes Anthy wondered if they were just…too broken to be together. Utena x Anthy fic, post-canon, references to past canon sexual assault of both characters, sexual content that is not described in any sort of detail.


_A/N: To be honest I was disappointed with the fic I did for Anthy x Utena before- it was fluff, but by trying to have it make sense, it relied too much on contrived coincidence. So I did this one, which is much shorter and a little less happy-go-lucky. Warning, it does mention the past in-canon sexual assault both Utena and Anthy have experienced- not in detail, nor does it describe it, it just alludes to it and explores the possibility of them being triggered (in a vague sort of way). Mentions injuries and scarring. Also mentions sex more directly than my fics usually do (since I'm a hopless asexual virgin and all) but it doesn't go into detail. I like this one much better than the other one right now._

**Touch**

Touch was a funny thing for both of them.

One time, Anthy grabbed Utena from behind, looping her arms around her and hugging her tightly. She let go quickly when she felt Utena flinch, shudder under her hands. Utena turned around and gave her a pained smile and say "Sorry. Really, it's all right." But it wasn't all right. Anthy never approached her from behind again. The weight of the memory was too much.

Anthy wondered if Utena would ever feel comfortable turning her back on her.

And…

Utena's touch was so different from Akio's, yet sometimes during or after sex, Anthy would find herself feeling sad and scared for no reason. _His _face would pop into her head. She'd curl up, wrapping her shaking hands around her torso as if she could protect herself. Utena would murmer reassurances and Anthy would have to ask her to leave, just for a minute.

She wondered if Utena understood what was happening during those times. She knew she didn't completely understand what had happened that one night when Anthy was on top of Utena, and Anthy had mentioned that she'd left some rolls out for them to eat after. Utena had sat up so suddenly Anthy had nearly been thrown off, and she'd said they would have to stop for the night. Anthy had agreed and felt guilty; even though she wasn't sure which sin of hers she was feeling guilty about.

Sometimes Anthy wondered if they were just…too broken to be together.

For one thing, Utena's fascination with Anthy's scars bothered her. Anthy's scars had never been visible when they were at Ohtori, but here in the real world, the patchwork of jagged gashes across her back and stomach was all too visible. Anthy carried her stab wounds with her and Utena carried hers with her. But while Anthy hated looking at Utena's scars (particularly because she knew one of those spots of raised,discolored flesh had to be her doing), she caught Utena stealing glances at hers. She always looked away quickly whenever Anthy noticed.

Finally, one night, Anthy burst out, "Why do you keep staring at them?"

Utena flushed. "I…I'm sorry. It's just…" she put her fingers against her own stomach and then hovered her hand over Anthy's. "Well…we match. Whenever I feel these scars…remember what happened…remember what _he _did…whenever it gets too much…I just have to look at you…and remember you went through the same thing for so, so much longer." She gave a shaky little smile. "It really helps. Knowing I'm not alone. That I'm with the one person who understands."

Anthy blinked. Her lips trembled and she took Utena's hand. It was the one thing they had always done, hold hands, the one thing that could never seem bad or wrong to her because he had never noticed it enough to try to taint it. The spaces in between her fingers were made to be filled in by Utena's.

She kissed Utena deeply.

"I love holding your hand," Utena said when they parted.

"I love it too," Anthy said. "The only problem…" she remembered falling away from Utena into the dark, their hands slipping apart. "…is that I'm scared to let go."

"Then don't," Utena said.

Anthy pulled Utena closer, their scarred flesh met, and they spent the night filling each other's broken and empty spaces.


End file.
